California Momma's Pages

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

33 Years Old!?!

Ten days &  counting...
Why is it that my 33rd birthday is affecting me more then my 30th birthday? 
Why is it every time I brush my hair, I find 10 or more brilliantly gray hairs waving back at me? Why do I still have to deal with acne before my period at this age?

33 is not that old, is it? Sometimes I feel like I'm 53. I know Ive experienced somethings that people in their 50's or 60's have never had to go through.
But like the saying goes, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"
Well lets put it this way, I don't want to be any stronger! I should be awarded the "World's Strongest Woman" 
Nut yet I know that I don't come close to what other women have had to endure.
I like to think of things this way: Every person has both good and bad things happen in their life, and to each person, the very worst, horrible thing that has happened to them. just might not be so bad to someone else, but yet to that person, it is life shattering.  Who are we to down grade or dismiss someone's  experience? Just because it doesn't sound so bad to us? I've learned that everyone must walk their own path, in their own shoes, instead of trying to walk another person's path because it looks better. It usually never is what it seems, and truth is, the other person's path is probably 10 times harder then our own.
It is, however, a good idea to try on another pair of shoes as we travel down our own path. There's 2 reason's for this. 1, to fully understand where another person is coming from, and 2, to fully appreciate where you came from and what you went through to get this place and to know where you are going.
I don't know about anyone else, but I want born with the silver spoon in my mouth. I had a great childhood, and had everything I ever needed. Some would say I was even spoiled. 
I also know that I threw that all away when I grew up and when I lost my mom. I lost a lot of things and one of those things was my self worth. I wanted to just not feel the pain and loss anymore. Plus if you want to add more to what I was going through, how about the constant thought lingering in my head that I was going to lose my son to some stranger birth defect. I just wanted to forget
I dove head first into the night club scene. Drinking, dancing, flirting, and doing drugs. I was that way for a long time.
I was a functional drug addict. Now I say functional because I did everything that I was supposed to be doing. I got up in the morning, took my son to school, cleaned the house, made dinner, went to work, visited my family. And every chance I got, I was smoking dope. Not a day went by that I wasn't "high".
I was completely lost and it wasn't until I met Jon and found what I had been missing. I found my Prince Charming.
He showed me patience, love and understanding. He loved me and my son. He made me want to be a better person, and woman. I wanted to be deserving of his love.
I went into an "in house recovery center" started going to church and was saved. I was in treatment for 8 months. I went in on Good Friday, 2006 and got out on Christmas Eve 2007.
I just passed my 4 year anniversary on April 10, 2010. **YAY!!**
So I guess this birthday means a lot more to me because for one I am aware of everything around me, because I'm not numb anymore. and because I should have died out there, when I was so lost and strung out on Crystal. 
Anyways, I hope my story can reach the one person who it is meant for. And I hope it lets others understand the mind of an addict.
Addiction is a disease, but it has a cure and it is beatable.
The only thing needed is the desire to beat it. 
Thank you for reading and I hope I didn't scare too many of you!.

Happy Birthday To me!!
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Melissa B. said...

Happy almost Birthday! Wait 'til you reach 40. SITS sent me by, and I'm glad they did...

Where There's Smoke, There's Fire

Small Burst said...

33 is still young! Happy birthday and happy 4 year anniversary. You're an inspiration. Keep it up.

Amy said...

Checking in from the UBP! And 33 isn't bad! I'm about to turn 34.

Our Country Road said...

Stopping by from the UBP, too. Happy Birthday! What a great story that you have! I'd love to have you visit my blog, too.