I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I MEANT TO SAY!!

WHAT I MEANT TO SAYNOW I'VE SEEN THIS ON SO MANY WEDNESDAY'S, BUT NEVER GOT DOWN TO DOING IT.Well, have you ever had a week, where you literally walked around with BOTH feet permanently situated in your mouth?!?Well, I didn't think it was even possible to be THAT careless, thoughtless, (looking for the right word to fit here, can't seem to find one)Anyways...you can get where I'm going with this, right?Maybe it was the end of my period and the last little bits of hormones still swimming in me, or the fact that I caught a damn cold in the middle of Summer, which is the worst, I think. Or maybe it was the fact that EVERYTHING I've been going through finally reached it's peak and I got to the point where I just didn't give a f!ck! (PLEASE EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE, ITS THE ONLY WORD THAT COULD FIT THAT MADE SENSE)Let me give an example:1. Sunday night was the last night that Jon and I would have ALONE for at least 2 weeks, because Jared was coming home on Monday! (Yay I missed my little man)So, to me, the timing was perfect, because I had just finished with the visit from my pesky Aunt Flo, and it was a beautiful night here in California, so i thought maybe a drive to the beach, something Romantic, ya know?So I say to Jon," hey babe, you know Jared is coming home tomorrow, right?"Jon,"Um, yeah."Me,"So.... I was thinking that maybe we could...""ring ring ring"Jon," hold on, babe....Hello?"Me,"Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!"BLAH BLAH BLAHJon,"...ok, see you in a minute... (Click) Now, what were mumbling about?"Me," I was saying that maybe...""RING RING RING!"As Jon puts up his index finger to me, as if saying "one minute" he answers."Hello, Oh hey what's up...Blah blah blah"I stand there with my mouth open, still in mid sentencelooking at this man with unbelief. I smack my lips, and roll my eyes and mutter,"whatever!"I turn around and get out my laptop. A minute goes by and I hear the last of his conversation,"OK, see you in a minute."Jon,"Hey babe, I gotta go to San Bernardino."Me," But what about tonight?"Jon," what about tonight?" He repeated, confused.HERE IS THE PLACE I FORGOT THAT HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT "TONIGHT" I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO TELL HIM ANYTHING ABOUT IT. EVEN THOUGH IN MY HEAD, I HAD THE CONVERSATION WITH HIM, BUT HE WAS ON THE PHONE. I SOMEHOW GOT WHAT I WANTED TO TELL HIM AND WHAT I ACTUALLY TOLD HIM mixed up. Yeah I don't even know how that's possible, but like I said it happened.Me," We were supposed to go out!"Jon," We were?!? Since when?? I don't remember you saying anything like that!?"Me," YES i DID!!" Here I raised my voice, and as soon as I said it, I realized what the heck i just did! SH!T. I never did tell him. Jon," When?"Me,"Um...You're right. I didn't. I'm sorry." I whispered. Feeling like an idiot.Jon,'Huh? What just happened?"Me,"nothing, never mind. Go do what you gotta do."Jon," Are you feeling OK?"Me,"nope. bye"Jon."see ya"Then he left.What I Meant To Say Was:"Don't leave. Let's go to the beach for a Romantic Dinner and an even more Romantic time when we get home!!!"But no. I got lost in my own head and what really happened was he got home 4 hours later and we did what we always do. He got online and played poker, and I did my designs and blog things. On the same bed, 2 different computers, in 2 different worlds almost. That is how things are at the moment. I hate it sometimes. I want to literally throw away the damn laptops.He doesn't see it yet. It hasn't hit him that we are on 2 totally different pages right now. We might even be on 2 separate books now. I need to fix this somehow before it's too late. I don 't want this to be the way we are with each other.I freaking Love that man and I can't let our relationship get to a place where we are in a rut. That's how things happen, things like suddenly the neighbor starts being extra nice and flirt y with your man, he notices and likes the way it makes him feel. You get my drift. Ruts = bad things!!So this is not a typical post for WIMTS but I had to get this out!!Love and Creativity From A California Momma,angela